Closing a Significant Life Chapter

Introduction

I have been avoiding writing this, my last blog while still living my dream in the Land of Israel. Human nature is such that avoids any form of discomfort, and I am no exception. Over the past several months I have been confronted from within to make a significant and complex decision – to continue living in Israel or return to Canada.

In my reflection, I have questioned wholeheartedly my role in life geographically and purposefully, and can say honestly that in trying to analyze the logistics of remaining in Israel, I found myself "between a rock and a hard place." No matter how much my brain engaged in mapping out pros and cons, all along my soul had a mind of its own, and inviting them both to the negotiating table felt much like attending a football match between two world cup teams of the countries I love most, and cheering mindlessly every time each strikes a goal. 

My love for Israel is primal, and my connection to the Land cannot be explained rationally. I believe that this place houses the seat of the soul. On the other hand, my life here lacks the nutrients for my heart, the proximity to my daughters and my extended family. I confess that I have been feeling lonely for some time and aware of my ongoing struggle to overcome obstacles, face challenges and add quality to my life. The word "struggle" comes up again and again, and I ask myself if I wish to continue this "struggle" on my own. The truth is that I am here alone and my heart is yearning for love and closeness. Looking back, I admit I made some mistakes, such as choosing to live in a semi-rural community away from the buzz of city life, which has caused me to endure long commutes and isolation from mainstream social life, especially during the Holidays. On the other hand, this beautiful home has become my sanctuary, a place of rest, reflection, and safety.  Nothing in life is black and white, and making choices is our G-d given gift packaged with uncertainty and responsibility.

Realizing my reluctance to leave the land of my dreams and ending a meaningful chapter of my life, I resorted to using the metaphor of a ship arriving at its long-desired destination, docking at the main port, and dropping a temporary anchor. Since the anchor’s job is to prevent the ship from drifting due to wind or currents, in order for the ship to remain at port indefinitely, it needs a permanent anchor, one I wasn’t able to craft in order to remain rooted to the bottom, and floating freely in my idyllic harbour.

This analogy begged the question of what anchors one needs to set roots in one place, and I suspect the answer will vary from person to person. I came to realize that culture shock and a myriad of adaptation struggles could be overcome with time, yet physical separation from close family can only be endured. Not being able to spend time with my daughters slowly ate away at me and led me to feel isolated and deprived of my main source of joy. 

On this note, with a torn heart I made the tough decision to return to Canada. The price to pay is separation from a Land I love where my heart is filled with light. The outcome, on the other hand, is to reunite with loved ones and fill my eyes with the light on the faces of the people I love most. 

Once the decision was made, I began to face a domino effect of consequences, starting from dismantling a home and shipping my belongings, resigning from work, bidding farewell to wonderful people, and trying to eat Israel up with hungry eyes to collect as many memories and experiences as possible to last a lifetime. The process has been stressful, to say the least, for the obvious fact that all along this journey I have been a one-woman show, and regardless of what I decide, I own both, the credit and responsibility. 

Now I will attempt to summarize my “Closing the Chapter” highlights as follows.

Sar El – June 17-21

I bent my schedule backward and forward to make myself available to volunteer for one week for Sar-El, the National Project for Volunteers for Israel (https://www.sar-el.org/about-us/history/).  I did this to settle unfinished business. When I visited Israel for the first time in 2013, I was scheduled to volunteer for Sar-El for three weeks, but due to unforeseen work-related conflicts, I had to cancel. This time, as I saw my time in Israel dwindling down, I thought to myself – it’s now or never. I then contacted the coordinator who made an exception to accommodate me for one week. It is obvious that I was meant to DO IT!

It was quite an experience to enter an Israeli army base. Entry for civilians is completely forbidden with the exception of Sar-El volunteers who are carefully screened. I showed up at the airport, where groups are organized and shipped off by bus to different bases around Israel and I was assigned to a group of 20 volunteers stationed at the “Tel haShomer Military Base” in Ramat Gan. At first, I didn’t know anything about this base, yet in due time learned that it houses the army’s National Health Center dedicated to the acquisition, maintenance, and provision of all medical supplies and equipment.  Upon arrival, volunteers were assigned to warehouses of various sorts and I ended up working under the supervision of “Effie” (Efraim), a welcoming middle-aged warehouse manager who was patient and kind to us volunteers. There were three of us assigned to this warehouse, and my job was to unpack, check and clean and sterilize stethoscopes, blood pressure kits, and laryngoscopes. While the job itself was repetitive, even boring, I really handled with care each instrument mindful of the fact that in case of emergency it could save a life. This experience was as close as it gets to be in the front lines, and my heart went out to the soldiers who day in a day in and day out put their lives on the line to keep Israel safe.

Sar-El Volunteer Delegation, Tel haShomer, June 17-21, 2018

Receiving my Sar-El Volunteer Certificate

I admit it wasn’t easy to live on the base for one week.  Why?  Accommodation and food were basic, as was to be expected and I was ok with it. My issue had more to do with the attitude of some of the returnee volunteers who took it upon themselves to boss others around as if their seniority granted them the power to control what newcomers do or don’t do. I had two experiences with nasty women that really upset me. The first, following orders from an 18-year old soldier, or so she said, a woman sprayed the washroom with cockroach and ant poison while women were still using the facilities. I didn’t know about this until I entered a stall and started to cough and gasp for air and my eyes started to burn. I thought something was wrong with me, yet my friend informed me about the spray and I became furious. When I approached this woman to inquire about this, she was rude stating she was following orders and even questioned why I was in the washroom at the time! I couldn’t believe how obliviously ignorant she was about the dangers of inhaling such poison. Then I approached the young soldier, and I was shocked to learn that she didn’t get it that breathing this stuff is a huge health hazard. The other incident had to do with me giving water to one of the cats on the base. When I spotted it trying to get a few drops of water from the air conditioning pipe, I quickly ran to give it water on a tray, and this nasty woman came to scorn me stating that I wasn’t supposed to feed the cats. I brushed her off stating my boundaries and my conviction that giving water to a thirsty cat was the right thing to do.

What I loved the most about my time at Sar-El was paying tribute to the flag every morning, followed by singing Hatikvah, and was honoured to be the flag person on my last day. As I raised and saluted the flag and sang Hatikvah, I prayed for Israel’s security and the safety of the brave men and women that work for the IDF (Israel Defense Force) and the IAF (Israel Air Force). 

Upon my return home I took the liberty to send the Sar-El coordinator my well-intended feedback about my experience in the program, in light of their goal to attract more volunteers. To my dismay, rather than being proactive and address any of my comments, she dared to state that Sar-El wasn’t for me. Sometimes being honest rubs others the wrong way, especially when we spell out a truth they are not willing to hear. I decided that none of these things mattered. What mattered is that I showed up, worked with my heart, and gave time and a piece of my heart attempting to make a tiny difference.

Resigning from Teaching English at Ethan H. Freed Learning Center

As soon as I made the decision to return to Canada, I had the impulse to quit work in order to free myself for a few weeks from the burden of preparing and teaching lessons and be able to enjoy the time I had left in Israel. While this sounded like a good plan, the implications were not in my favour. Not only would I leave my students hanging and find my summer salary and benefits significantly reduced, but I also could not live with the idea of quitting and ending all my good work on a negative note. Looking forward to the end of year celebrations with my colleagues, I hung in week after week until the very end. In the last few weeks, I was very stressed out juggling teaching, planning, and packing simultaneously. My official resignation did not come until the principal offered me a position for the next school year, and at that time had no choice but to state my decision to leave Israel. To my surprise, the principal, whom I often perceived unappreciative, clearly expressed disappointment, even sadness of my resignation, and stated that if I ever came back, there would be a placement for me.

Last Day of School

The last week at work was emotionally charged as I bid farewell to students and teachers. Some of my special needs students blew me away with their goodbyes, particularly a religious boy who recited a litany of blessings from the prayer book and thanked me repetitively. The truth is my two special needs groups started the school year with zero knowledge of the English language, and with repetition, practice, and consistency, they managed to learn the ABC's, letter by letter, associated with an animal or a thing. Each week they couldn’t wait to join in the singing of our famous alphabet phonics song played on video. The actual school teachers acknowledged their student’s progress and were very impressed that in spite of their learning challenges, the children managed to make much headway. This experience taught me that labelling student and having limited expectations acts like a prophecy. On the contrary, believing in them and connecting to each of them in a personal way feeds them self-confidence and a sense of achievement. For this alone, I’m glad I didn’t quit my job early!

For the end-of-year celebration, all of us teachers and principal travelled to Caesarea to visit one of the two Rally Museums that houses famous Latin American art, including some wondrous pieces by Salvador Dali. (https://www.rallimuseums.com/en/Ralli_Museums_Caesarea)

Ethan H. Freed Teaching Staff at Rally 1 Museum in Caesaria

During the visit, I was able to flaunt to my colleagues that I had been there before, thanks to a friend, but this time I enjoyed the art, even more, thanks to the pointers given to us by our accompanying art consultant. Each of us was invited to choose a piece of art and talk about it using the pointers, and I was amazed to discover the correlation between a piece of art and its viewer. 

After visiting the museum, we all went for lunch to a nearby café that was pretty packed and loud. At the end of lunch, I gathered the strength to announce to everyone my return to Canada. As I started to speak I could not help breaking out in tears vowing my love for Israel. While I spoke I was deeply moved to see everyone’s emotional reaction of support and sadness for my departure. Lots of hugs, kisses, and blessings followed before we parted ways. My seven work colleagues (Pnina, Missy, Osnat, Milene, Monica, Jacob, and Amit) have definitely given me strength and inspiration while working at the center. We bonded pursuing a challenging goal - teaching Israeli school-age children the English language!

Global Leadership Skills Seminar (GLS) - July 10

Pushing time boundaries I managed to attend a half-day seminar on the topic of Global Leadership Skills. Although I had no obligation to attend, I became interested in the topic and did not want to miss out on a unique learning opportunity. Thankfully, the seminar was in English, which made it more enjoyable and comprehensible. The skills covered, Empathy and Negotiation, are considered core in today's classrooms to help students build supportive personal and work relationships. The topics were right down my alley, and the icing on the cake was seeing some of my work colleagues one more time before my departure.

Farewell Brunch Sarona - July 6

Farewell Brunch at Sarona

I was very moved when two of my friends, Ella and Chaya, offered to host a farewell party for me at their homes. I declined as I thought it more convenient to organize a brunch at a central location in Tel Aviv. After much thought, I chose to hold a brunch at Restaurant Paradiso in Sarona, where I had had an enjoyable lunch. I was gladly surprised when 18 of my friends confirmed their attendance, yet only 10 showed up. I understood this had something to do with juggling a myriad of summer commitments. Regardless of the numbers, I was very happy to see myself surrounded by an eclectic group of friends with whom I shared paths as new Olim (immigrants), classmates, students, and Vancouver connections. Although I was mortified with the awful service at the restaurant, all that mattered to me was finding myself in beautiful Sarona surrounded by caring people from whom I received the priceless gift of time, support, and friendship.

I am pasting below a couple of my friend’s farewell wishes, which speak for themselves.

“Wishing you dearest Violeta safe trip and please know that you have journeyed far and wide physically and spiritually in our land of Israel and are coming back to Vancouver full of light and learning. Own the strength you have acquired living in Israel and bring it back to your new reality to be more of who you are.”

“Todo es para bien tuviste una experiencia espectacular y fuiste un éxito rotundo tienes que estar muy orgullos a de ti fue una prueba en tu vida que pasaste que de verdad te admiro muy pocas personas lo pudieran hacer y solas eres una gran mujer y me encantó conocerte que Dios te bendiga y espero algún día visitarte en Canadá.”

Skaat Family Farewell

Family Poster Presentation

After replying to a Facebook ad, I became the English tutor of two young boys in Rishon l’Tzion. Their professional parents – a medical nurse and an eye doctor – impressed me with their demeanour and determination to make English an important part of their children’s education at a young age. For the past six months, I met weekly with 7-year-old Amitai, and 5-year old Oshri, who were not beginners given that the boys had been exposed to English when the family lived in New York while dad was on Sabbatical. Working with each of the boys, I was blown away by their intelligence, curiosity, and an innate love for learning.

As an end-of-term project, I was pleased to guide the boys to produce a family poster, including photos of each family member and a short introduction of each person and personal notes written by each of the boys. We called this a surprise, which the children proudly disclosed to their mom in the last class. It was a privilege to work with this lovely family who enhanced my teaching experience in Israel. Upon request, the parents produced a wonderful reference letter on my behalf that really surpassed my expectations. What’s was most important was witnessing the children flourish before my eyes, and crediting parents, who instill good values in their children from an early age, setting them up for success. 

Shabbat Dinner with My Landlords

Moments Before Leaving My Home in Be'er Yaacov 

In early July I was invited to my landlord’s home for Shabbat.  Six of us, – Israela, Tsaly, Amitai, Avigail, little Ariel and I, sat at the patio table surrounded by greenery and tasteful outdoor decor. The soft summer evening was sweetened with good conversation and a sense of appreciation for the two years (minus two months) I lived under this roof feeling safe and cared for. I was handed a lovely gift of a hand-painted Kiddush wine cup and tray accompanied by a handwritten letter filled with meaningful wishes and blessings.  The morning I left my home, all the family came to my unit to say goodbye. It was a very emotional time for me, especially as I witnessed the sadness and emotion in everyone's faces, almost to the point of tears. After I left I got a message expressing thanks for being part of their family, as their children see me as their third grandma, and offered me an open invitation to come back.  

Jean, Jerome and Kids, Rafael and Maayan

Jean, Jerome, Rafael and Mayan Adidas

I met Jean and Jerome, new immigrants from France, at the Ulpan AlephPlus (A+) in Rison l’Tzion. Even though we were not in the same class, Jean and I were drawn to each other at recess and a natural connection flowed. In spite of the age difference, we enjoyed chatting in three languages. Later on, Jean and I shared time together at Ulpan Bet (B) and giggled a lot in class to be able to cope with the monotony of our evening Hebrew lessons.

I visited the family at home on two occasions, falling in love with their young kids, Rafael and Maayan who surprisingly spoke French (joke). Although Jean is a lawyer, she is unable to practice law in Israel. She resorted to teaching English and doing English-French translations. On one occasion she referred me to a client and thanks to her I able to make a few extra shekels translating a document from English to Spanish. Before leaving Israel, Jean invited me to a Shabbat lunch at her home, offering me door-to-door transportation. During our precious time together, Jean was unable to hide her sadness in anticipation of my departure and I was grateful for meeting a French family in Israel who became my friends effortlessly in the context of adaptation, common values, and connection to Israel. And I was impressed with the children already speaking Hebrew better than their parents!

Dismantling My Home in Be’er Yaacov

I never imagined how hard it would be to dismantle my home in Israel. Yes, I have moved before, but somehow this didn’t feel the same as moving from one house to another. It felt more like ending a chapter of life and putting away all the evidence. It took me two days, from 6:00am to midnight, to pack everything. During my time packing, I allowed myself to burst out crying several times, aware of the fact that I was grieving the end of the most exciting and empowering chapter of my life.

In terms of shipping my belongings, I was lucky to find a company called Dash-Express. The owner, an ex-Montrealer, was very personable, patient and caring. He was sensitive to my situation and accommodated my requests, including lowering costs to the best of his ability. I thought he was an angel sent from above. In a short time, our conversations became very personal given our Canadian background, to the point that I accepted this married man’s invitation to dinner. At first, I wondered about his agenda, but I trusted my intuition telling me that he was simply a good person enjoying good conversation with a client he deemed worth getting to know even for just one time. To date, all is well, and my belongings are scheduled for shipment via UPS once I have had a bit of time to settle in Canada.  I hope all ends well.

My Last Visit to Jerusalem of Gold

I had a few pending sights to see in Jerusalem before my departure, and I made sure to fit them in, always counting on the support and unconditional hospitality of my friend Ella. Over three days I walked the Western Wall Tunnels, as well as the City of David Water Tunnels, also called Hezekiah’s Tunnel or Siloam Tunnel. Imagine walking on water inside ancient tunnels designed by King David’s top engineers and excavated by hand in order to supply water to the residents and protect the City from its enemies. This was an experience that cannot be told, which brings to life the expression – “get your feet wet.” 

Another highlight of my time in Jerusalem was experiencing the annual Light Show in the Old City.  Ella and I walked together many kilometres through the multitude to experience wondrous light exhibits that not only reflected technical expertise, but also conveyed universal human values of inclusion, pluralism, multiculturalism, respect, and peace. I felt so proud of Israel’s message to the world spelled out with light art. What a great way to experience Jerusalem of Gold dressed in lights of a million colours, forms, and designs.  

Last but not least, I paid my last visit to The Kottel. Leaning against the Holy Wall for quite some time while the sun basted my back, I allowed myself to be, rather than force myself to think or pray. I was overwhelmed by a feeling of connection and gratitude for every single life experience in Israel, and for the extended time that allowed me to get to know Her face-to-face in an intimate and realistic way.

Trip to the City of Netanya – July 11-12

I gave myself a real treat by booking a two-night stay in a hotel in Netanya recommended by my friend Miriam, located within walking distance from the beach. I spent most of my time by the sea, taking in the outstanding view and breathing in the magnificent air of the Mediterranean, as well as strolling the main promenade (Tayelet) packed with action that made me think of the French Riviera.
 
In fact, Netanya’s population is largely French and Russian, so one feels in another world. One of the highlights was having dinner with my Vancouver friends Gill and Norm Aisler at a lovely outdoor Restaurant called London located at the center of the promenade and watching the Football World Cup over a giant screen together with hundreds of fans. This little getaway truly did me good!

Last-Minute Visit of Kibbutz Yavne
I truly pushed the envelope spending a whole afternoon at Kibbutz Yavne the last afternoon before my departure. I did it to make sure I could see and hug my friends Dvora & Eli and meet their beautiful family, particularly the recent additions – 8-month old twins born in Vancouver to their daughter Osher and her husband Assaf. It was wonderful to see this lovely bunch, catch up on family news and bid a warm farewell to my Israeli family.

Conclusion

It is hard to believe that the time has come to leave Israel after living my dream for two and a half years! In addition to my three suitcases, I arrived with an idealized perception of Israel and a big appetite for adventure, excitement, connection, curiosity and hope, and I am leaving with a multi-dimensional and more expansive experience of our Holy Land, and a mindful appreciation for the first-hand experiences, meaningful connections, spiritual awakenings, valuable lessons and deeper understanding of the Israeli way of life. 

My journey here has been filled with blessings and challenges that made my experience all that more substantial, and I am deeply grateful for it all. I have come to realize that even at difficult times the Light of G-d has shone upon me, as did the blinding sunshine of Israel and the light on the faces of the friends I met along the way, whose gifts of trust and support are invaluable. 

As I close this blog, I feel the urge to say thank you to all of you who followed my posts. It has been a good ride and sharing my experiences in writing has helped me gain even more awareness on the road well travelled, the lessons gained and the blessings received. While I am the same person, I have expanded my worldview and gained insights that have transformed me. In retrospect, I would not change anything about my decision to fulfill my lifetime dream, even if it came at a later stage in life.

Closing Poem

In the last two weeks prior to my departure to Canada, I experienced several beach sunsets both in Netanya and Rishon l’Tzion. Every time I watched the Big Lamp’s descent on the horizon, I was in awe of G-d’s creation. Each sunset reminded me of the end of my time in the land of my dreams. I wrote this poem very quickly aboard my flight back home to Canada. I hope you like it.

Sunset with Miriam

The Mediterranean Sunset

I’ve bathed in your waters

Watched the kids enjoy your waves

While the sun was rising

By your side I felt refreshed

I’ve walked your beaches

Picked your soft white shells

While the sun was setting

Days were coming to an end



I’ve heard your roar

On windy cloudy days

The Big Lamp was just hiding

To soon show its face again

I’ve taken in your scent

Floating softly in your immense

The rushing sound that never ends

Life everlasting it declares

And if it weren’t enough...

I’ve watched your sunsets

They always took my breath away

In your untamed expanse of depth

I pray to be with you again.

The end.

  


PS - Stay Tuned – Book of Anecdotes

When I return to Canada I intend to publish a Book of Anecdotes while living my dream in Israel. I will keep you posted. Please stay tuned.