Exodus in Reverse: The Most Distressing Travel Experience (March 5-22, 2017)

I have always been able to access my deeper self aboard a plane. The notion of being suspended in air and captured in time between two worlds tenders me the gift of perspective and the opportunity to rise above the clouds of earthly temptations and mental clutter to ponder about my life journey, where I am coming from and where I ought to focus on, that which matters most to the soul.

Today is Sunday, March 26. I am aboard the flight departing LA with destiny to Tel Aviv. As I write, the plane is preparing for takeoff, the motors run loudly and the crew rushes to finish security checkups before disappearing from sight. I am feeling exhausted physically and emotionally, in a way that slows down my efficiency of thought, yet, I feel the urge to release my intertwined thoughts and emotions to capture in print the essence of the most distressing and complicated trip I have ever made. My desire to write comes from an urge to unravel emotional knots that seem to be blocking my energy channel.

We are now in the air and I am able to see a panoramic view of LA's shoreline. Within seconds I feel my distancing from my dearest, most sacred and significant people, my daughters and my extended family in LA, composed of my first aunt, and my first and second cousins. I feel the sadness overtaking me and must pause to feel what I feel. I close my eyes to send blessings to them before I continue to write.

It all started a few months ago, when I received in Israel, via Paperless Post, my cousin's invitation to the bat mitzvah of her daughter in LA. My initial reaction was to express regrets. Less than a year ago I had moved to Israel to fulfill my lifetime dream and did not think it timely and sensible to undertake a trip across continents, one that would require a strong dose of time, energy and resources, at a time when I was still trying to stabilize myself beyond a survival mode as a new immigrant. Interestingly, this good common sense became blurred following two Skype conversations with my daughters, the apples of my eyes, as they expressed the desire to attend the bat mitzvah to be able to partake in a unique family celebration. In their sweet voices I heard a yearning for family, and an urge to see their mother - ME!

I then began to visualize exciting possibilities that led me to realize that the bat mitzvah could create magic by bringing us together in joy and celebration - mothers and daughters, aunts and cousins and brothers and sisters. When I began to explore flights and fares, it was my heart, not my head that booked a tri-city well-planned itinerary that would allow me to see each and all of my family members. My itinerary included direct flights from TA to LA and then to Mexico City where I would visit my aunt of ill health, and my two brothers, whom I haven't seen in years, the latter in decades, after he chose to disappear from us fleeing our traumatic childhood of abuse and neglect. All three of us were robbed of our adolescence witnessing the slow deterioration and ultimate death of our mother, the vertebrae of our family and the only person we had to lean on.

On my return to LA, I planned to visit my younger fragile aunt, and all of my cousins with whom we would celebrate the bat mitzvah. The greatest incentive of all – I would be spending quality time with my daughters after one year of living apart.

This trip would allow me to do it all. See my dear ones, celebrate a milestone, revisit my past, rekindle lost connections, and even visit the cemetery where my mother’s remains are laid to rest.

An added bonus of the trip was that my younger cousin from LA had decided to fly with me to Mexico City in order to visit our aunt an spend quality time together. She had never travelled to Mexico alone before, and relied on me as a tour guide and interpreter.  I considered it a blessing to share this worthy journey with her.

I started packing weeks ahead of my departure. I shopped for special gifts, carefully selected, for each dear one, clothing, jewelry, assorted nuts, gourmet olives, halva, kashkabal cheese, even fresh borrecas, all to fit into my carry-on bag.

Sunday, March 5

On Sunday March 5^th I woke up at 7:00am feeling agitated.  In a few minutes I came to realize that I had missed my plane, as it had left at 1:00am and was already six hours in the air. I thought I would faint, feeling dizzy, nauseous – paralyzed with disbelief.  For the life of me I could not explain why my intelligent self missed the mark in such a big way. I really needed to go to the airport on March 4^th, not March 5^th.  How stupid of me!

After tearing myself apart I emailed my family to inform them that I would not show up. I had missed not one, but two flights. My numerous attempts to call Cheapoair, as well and El Al to notify them of my absence were in vain. I was put on hold for over one hour. Speaking with my daughters in a state of despair, my oldest wisely suggested that I go to the airport to talk to El Al face-to-face. And so I did.  I basically dragged myself out of the house in a state, boarded two trains, and arrived at the Ben Gurion airport.  At the El Al counter, the agent said that my confusing the am and pm times was common. He helped me rebook the flight that would depart Tel Aviv 48 hours after. The no-show fee and change fee rounded nearly $500 US. I gulped before handing my credit card. The agent also asked to see my documentation, my Israeli and Canadian passports, and assured me all was in order. I then contacted American Airlines to change my flight. They charged me a $300 US fee.

I returned home in a state of shame, self-blame and exhaustion. I now had time to rest and wait for the next flight. I left my suitcases unpacked, but unpacked the food items to best preserve them.

I then received an email from both my cousins, blaming me for letting them down, especially the travel partner. They expressed their understandable frustration with guilt trips – "she did not speak the language, she never travelled before alone to Mexico, a "dangerous" place, and her safety was in peril.  All I needed was more blame, as if I hadn’t enough of my own. Besides, I thought of my cousin as a capable woman, who can communicate in Spanish and making me responsible for her wellbeing and safety was unwarranted. Regardless, I now carried the weight of self-judgment, blame and responsibility over and beyond my heavy luggage filled with gifts that never got on the plane.

I notified all of my family members of my new arrival, and everyone was in the loop. By the end of this ordeal, I had lost two days, emotional energy, and a wasted $800 US dollars. I was now set to fly to my destination again. My next departure was Tuesday, March 7^th at 1:00am. This time, I drilled in my head that I had to leave the house on March 6^th, at 9:00pm, 4 hours before my departure at 1:00am of the next day.

Monday, March 6

On March 6 my landlord kindly drove me to the airport. At last, I stood in front of the El Al counter feeling the anticipation to see my dear ones. As I presented my confirmation and my Israeli passport to the ticketing agent, I sensed concern. “Mam, do you have a US Visa?” I replied not, as I am a Canadian citizen, and I handed my Canadian passport. Now I sense tension. “Mom, did you know that your passport has expired? Today you are not travelling!”

It was made crystal clear to me that without a US Visa attached to my Israeli passport, or an expired Canadian passport my trip would be impossible.

I was in shock for several minutes, unable to utter a word. With a lump in my throat I felt a gush of adrenaline travelling through my whole body. At some point, I covered my face with my hands and started to cry. The staff asked if I was ok, did I want a glass of water?  I kept silent and then wept loudly. Between sobs I asked repeatedly why I could not board the plane in the same way a child refuses to accept parental instruction. 

A young female staff that stood behind the El Al counter, witnessing what was happening took me to the side to calm me down. Recognizing my accent she addressed me in Spanish and offered me support.  Sharon, an Argentinian, asked a million questions about my trip in order to explore options, such as flying to Toronto instead of LA, or perhaps directly to Mexico via another airline. Her out-of-the-box ideas were excellent, yet futile given my lack of documentation. I spent the next three hours sitting at the side of the counter, next to my hefty luggage, in a state of disbelief, anger, self-pity and despair, while she placed calls and gave me support to hang in. At the end of the options, she instructed me to go to the Canadian Consulate in Tel Aviv in a few hours (it was now 1:00am and my flight had departed.) She offered to hold my reservation, provided I could fly within 24 hours, and gave me her personal mobile number to follow up.

Tuesday, March 7 – Thursday, March 9

Hauling my luggage through the empty hallways of the Ben Gurion airport, I made it to the arrivals terminal where I boarded a taxi home that cost me another 170 NIS (approximately $50US.) On my way, I texted my landlords about my returning home, as I did not want them to worry if they heard noises from my apartment. Once at home, I fell asleep at 3:00am in a state of exhaustion and despair.

A few hours later I arose feeling anxious. I left the house like a robot and arrived at the Canadian Consulate shortly after 8:00am. After a one-hour wait, I faced the woman in charge of my travel destiny. She spoke perfect English, but her attitude was unmistakably Israeli (abrupt, impatient, and bossy). After I explained my problem, instead of helping me she lectured me, stating that I as a Canadian I should know better, and that the Consulate is tired of emergencies like mine due to irresponsibility. I offered to show her the electronic invitation to the Bat Mitzvah but she stated that shed would not trust it. In short, she brushed me off and let me go, without lifting a finger on my behalf. I wanted to be more assertive, but my broken spirit and lack of energy did not allow me to say a word. 

I returned home feeling depleted. After I had a bit to eat and a short rest, I visited the Service Canada Passport site and found an emergency email address for Canadians abroad. I wrote a quick email, text pasted below.

Dear Sirs,

I am a proud Canadian living temporarily in Israel. I have made arrangements to travel to the US and Mexico to visit two ailing aunts, one in each Country, as well as attend a once in a lifetime family gathering and the bat-mitzvah of my second cousin.  The airline staff informed me I could travel to the US with my Israeli travel document, but they failed to inform me that I needed a US Visa. I trusted that my Canadian passport would endorse me to enter the US. Unknowingly, my Canadian Passport Number xx expired on Feb 16, 2017, two weeks prior to my departure.  At the airport I fell to tears when I heard that I could not board the plane.  That happened on March 7th. The very same day I went to the Canadian Consulate in Israel, located in Tel Aviv in order to get an emergency passport. El Al offered to hold my reservation for 24 hours only, or else I would lose the ticket. The American Airlines ticket from LA to Mexico was a write-off. After I explained my circumstances to the attendant, she refused to help me and focused on lecturing me and even suggested that I was lying about the family gathering. I offered to show her the Evite and she said that she would not trust it. She said she had had lots of “emergencies” from all kinds and could not deal with mine. She brushed me off in a rude and abrupt manner. When I left the Consulate I felt mistreated and let down by my Consular representative, in addition to my emotional devastation.

I am attaching a letter written by my cousin, the mother of the bat-mitzvah girl, who is an attorney in the US. She has written the letter outlining all of the facts.

I am appealing to your support as a Canadian citizen urging you to give instructions to the Consulate Office in Tel Aviv to give me the assistance and respect I deserve. You are my only hope to mend many broken hearts that are awaiting my visit.

Awaiting your news.

The phone rang within an hour. It was the Consulate in Tel Aviv responding to the emergency reported to them right from Ottawa. This time the caller sounded more civil. She offered me to come the next day with my documentation, yet made no promises.

The next day I submitted my documentation and was told that I needed two things I did not have. One, the signature of guarantor (lawyer, doctor, judge, teacher or pharmacist whom I had known for five years.) The second, the original Canadian citizenship certificate.

As to the guarantor, obviously I did not know such a person in Israel. I suddenly thought of my loyal friend, the pharmacist, who was coincidentally in Israel. I had met him in Jerusalem the week prior. Would he still be in Israel? When he answered his Israeli mobile I jumped in excitement. He agreed to help me, assuming I could make it to him immediately, as he was returning to Vancouver the next day. Without hesitation, I took yet more trains and buses to meet him at the Abraham Hostel in Tel Aviv. He signed the documentation without hesitation, a gesture of support added to the many he has extended to us over the years.  Thank you Angel!

As to my original Canadian citizenship certificate sitting in my filing cabinet in Canada, the woman suggested that one of my family members take it to a Passport Office and have them authenticate it for the Consulate. I called my daughter immediately, who speedily found the certificate and took it to the Service Canada Passport Office. Only, they followed protocol. In order to authenticate it they needed a file number, which the Consulate in TA did not release. The next day I had to return to the Consulate again to request the number, which the woman released mocking the home-based Canadian bureaucracy. In addition to all this, at the very last moment she insisted on talking to my guarantor by phone to confirm his signature, even though he had signed the application. At this time, he was unavailable; he was in the air on his way back to Vancouver.  I left him five messages asking to please, please call the Consulate. Being the person that he is, as soon as he landed, he confirmed his guarantorship, and in doing so, he let me go. Halleluyah! 

That week I made it to the Tel Aviv Consulate four times. My expectation to be treated the Canadian way crashed into slivers of reality. I endured the Israeli bureaucracy at its best, while trying to keep my head above ground. I had witnessed a comedy featuring two world mentalities at play: one, informal, disjointed, elastic and unpredictable. The other, formal, systematic, organized, and reliable. I thought that after all, I am a Canadian Israeli or the reverse.

Friday, March 10

The documentation nightmare finally resolved Friday morning, when I received the confirmation that the Consulate had received all of my documentation. By noon I was holding in my hand an elegant, white, temporary Canadian passport.  I then called Sharon from El Al to let her know that I was free to travel. She congratulated me and offered to find me a seat the next day, leaving Tel Aviv on Sunday, March 12 at 1:00am. After she confirmed the seat, I cried! 

Sunday, March 12

My third attempt to depart Israel went smoothly, thank G-d. During the flight I pondered about my exodus in reverse, and tried to prepare myself for the challenges and joys ahead, facing the questioning, seeing my fragile aunt, and enjoying the family.

Car Rental Fiasco

After landing safely in LA I took the shuttle to Thrifty, the car rental company where I secured a reservation via Rentalcars.com. They said they could no honor my reservation because I did not hold an international driver’s license. I could not believe it. Where was this written? I checked my contract that stated exactly the opposite:

“An international Driving License is required if the driving license is printed with non-Roman Alphabet.”

How could this be? When I called them to clarify, they refused to honor their own reservation, and even applied a penalty fee to the cancellation.  What thieves! After this fiasco, I turned to Thrifty to book a new reservation face-to-face. They stated their rate was considerably higher, as it was Spring Break. I could not believe it. Instead of $250 US the new rental cost me $680 US. I despaired, and decided to call my cousin to get her feedback. She insisted that I needed a car in LA and should look into getting it either at Thrifty or elsewhere. She said her local dealer was closed, as it was Sunday. In retrospect, I really would have wanted her to say, – “I will pick you up and we will sort things out,” –but she didn’t.  So I had no choice but sign the damn contract, knowing I could not afford it. 

When I got the car I felt uneasy. After all, I hadn’t driven for one year and now I would be driving in LA, one of the busiest cities in the US. I could not even turn on the engine, until I learned to push a button while putting my foot on the gas. The car was brand new, a treat to drive, yet a stranger to befriend. I learned the basics quickly, and slowly made my way to my aunt’s home, looking forward to seeing her again. The last time I saw her, nearly two years ago, she was in hospital recovering from a series of complications that started with a fall. I hate to admit it but I truly thought I would not get the chance to see her again, and here I was, on my way to see her in her own home!

My Waze GPS led me astray. The data plan I had purchased from Hot Mobile in Israel yielded a faulty connection to the Internet. It took me three hours to make it to my destination, but thank G-d I made it safely.

I was very happy to see my aunt, and later on that evening my cousins. They brought dinner from Costco, roasted chicken and salad, a real treat after the long flight and commute. We had a simple yet satisfying meal together and felt tired yet relieved to be where I was, with my family from afar. It made me very sad to see my auntie shrinking into her chair, tired of all the excitement, and unable to have a single bite of the food. Her only calorie intake comes from protein shakes, as she is unable to swallow.  She is a great cook, who loved to eat, and now, her eyes looked at the food with desire and regret.

Monday, March 13: My Daughter's Arrival!

After spending the morning with my aunt chatting about many things, I headed off to the airport to pick up the apples of my eyes. They were arriving in different flights, not too far apart. I armed myself with courage to drive to the airport via the busy freeway and made it safely to my destination.

Seeing the girls was the happiest moment of my trip. Right there, in my arms, were the people I love most in life. Our embrace lasted several minutes. At last, the three of us were reunited!

The rest of my time in LA unfolded with mixed emotions, a mix of anticipation, duty, joy and entanglement. The whole time I was there, I felt “dashed”  at all times attempting to do the right thing, either spending time with my aunt whom I thought was hungry for my company, or sightseeing with the daughters, in addition to meeting my cousin's expectations attending the various pre-bat-mitzvah events she planned. I felt pulled, at times confused and even guilty to leave my aunt and go out to do fun things while she sat at home alone, a feeling of guilt that reminded me of the family dynamics during my childhood. My cousin told me again and again that this was my vacation and I should do as I please, but her words did not resonate with the duties of my heart: to first attend to my aunt, and then to my daughters, all hungry for my presence. The daughters were hosted at my cousin and thus depended on me for transportation. If not me, they were stuck at home during their break, and this too gave me extra pressure. I note that they were amazingly supportive of my timing and decision-making. They were patient and understanding of the situation, aware that all three of us were not in our comfort zone and exposed to complex family dynamics. Needless to say, I hadn’t yet recovered emotionally form the saga of my exodus from Israel and the jet lag.  I lived each day attempting always to do the right thing, and hoping to know what the right thing was.

In the days that followed we went to the synagogue Valley Beth Shalom many times in preparation for the Bat Mitzvah:  a family dress-up photo shooting session, an early morning Minyan, the Friday night dinner and service, the Shabbat service and lunch, and the elegant evening party, featuring presentations, entertainment, music and dancing, a photo booth, excellent food and more.  The daughters and I walked the room taking in the unique family occasion filled with joy. We were together with our American extended family. During all these marvellous occasions, the Bat-Mitzvah girl was ravishing in beauty, admired by her peers, and loved by her parents beyond measure. Her presence at the synagogue, her leading of Shabbat services, and chanting of Torah and Haftorah were remarkable. 

 
 
     

In the midst of all this, I still hoped to travel to Mexico to see the rest of the family. At one point, late at night, I almost confirmed a reservation using my Alaska air miles, but I didn’t. The days were flying by too fast, and the daughters stated they wanted to stay longer. Again, I stood by, waiting to do the right move, often not knowing what that was. Several days later the girls confirmed that they wanted to stay the extra week in order to spend time together. The truth is that for a whole week our time had been consumed with family duties, and we hardly had any time to ourselves. So I agreed to extend our stay, letting go of the idea to travel to Mexico. I then helped them secure a flight back to Vancouver, using my Air miles, given that their cancellation fees were too high. Even then, they still had to pay $200 each. All this, to ensure our quality time together.

In a few days we covered a lot of ground...

Universal Studios: Harry Potter and the Forbidden Journey, Trans Formers, Revenge of the Mummy, Jurassic Park, Animal Actors, Despicable Me, The Simpsons & Shrek.

The Getty Museum

'

The Skirball Museum

The Grove

SSanta Monica Beach & Shopping

Dinner with Evelyn & Steve (sorry, forgot to take photos)

Meeting Barak & Irina at Aroma

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Shabbat in Beverly Hills (Carol and Nadia, no photos)

Dinner at Mexican Oliviera Street (last night with Corine and Benjamin.)

Concluding Reflexion

This was, by far, the most complicated and frustrating travel experience of my life. In an attempt to make sense of it, I harvested the following reflexions.

·      I ought to pay attention to my raw intuition when making important decisions. Our first reaction is usually the inner voice. When things don't flow, they are not meant to be.

·      I made two very serious mistakes: missing the first flight and overlooking the validity and completeness of my travel documentation.  I still cannot understand how my mind missed the mark in such a big way. I compare it to tripping and falling, an accident that happens beyond logic.

·      I paid a high price for this trip, over and beyond what I could afford emotionally, physically and financially. That is because I tend to place other people’s needs ahead of mine. In future, I truly need to take care of my needs first.

·      In addition to the travel ordeal I endured, I felt caught in family dynamics, expectations and commitments that took a lot of my emotional energy. I will not put myself in a similar position again.

·      Looking back, I wish I had done things differently. Looking forward, I feel deeply grateful for the path traveled across the miles to meet loved ones.

·      I carry in my heart my aunt’s sweet eyes that spoke love and kindness to me, the niece she held at birth and nurtured as a child.

·      The trip awarded me a chesterfield of memories: family gatherings and celebrations, dinners, cheesecake, intimate conversations, wild Hollywood rides, and bonding experiences.

·      I regret the fact that I never made it to Mexico City to see my other aunt and my two brothers. I know that my absence caused them great disappointment and unnecessary worry. Their intended gifts came back with me to Israel, in the hopes that one day I can deliver them in person.

·      G-d sent four angels to guide me and protect me.

1.     Sharon at El Al, the stranger who held my hand throughout my travel ordeal.

2.     My cousin who issued a letter of support that sped the passport issuing process. (Letter appended below.)

3.     The angel, my loyal friend, whose signature gave me wings, the passport I needed to fly.

4.     My daughter that saved the day by having my Canadian citizenship certificate authenticated for the Israeli Consular office.

In closing, I am deeply grateful for the lessons learned, the path travelled, the people that made a difference, and the opportunity to see with my own eyes those I love.

The end.

-----

My Cousin

ATTORNEY AT LAW

March 7, 2017

To whom it may concern

My name is xx xx and I am a citizen of the United States.  My first cousin is Violeta Esquinazi (“Violeta").  Violeta had been planning on visiting both Mexico City and Los Angeles the week of March 6, 2017 and March 13^th, 2017.  The purpose of the visits were twofold.  First, she was to visit her two ailing aunts who are both over the age of 85 and in poor health.  Second, she was to come to celebrate my daughter's Bat Mitvah in Los Angeles.  The Bat Mitzvah is set for March 18, 2017 with activities planned the three preceding days.  We unfortunately have an extremely small family.  Violeta, at significant expense, decided that she must see her Aunts due to their precarious medical conditions and due to the fact that her second cousin should be surrounded by the few loved ones she has for this joyous occasion.  Additionally, Violeta’s two daughters will be joining her in Los Angeles for the Bat Mitzvah.  They will be travelling from Canada to participate in the Bat Mitzvah and to see their mother whom they have not seen in a year. What a joyus occasion this was going to be!  However, the trip has not gone as planned and for this reason I am here asking, pleading, as to whether you can assist her in making this very important journey. 

Unbeknownst to Violeta, her  Canadian passport expired last month.  She currently has a temporary Israeli passport.  Her permanent passport is to be issued at the end of the month.  Unfortunately, she was provided incorrect information and was advised that a Visa was not required in order to make her trip as planned.  As she attempted to board the flight for her journey of a lifetime she learned that she would not be able to travel due to the status of her paperwork.  She was in a panic and has been trying to remedy this problem for days.  This has been no easy task considering Hebrew is not her first language and she is still trying to find her way in this, her new home.  For this reason we turn to you for your assistance, guidance, and compassion. 

Violeta has come to terms with the fact that the Mexico City part of her trip will not happen.  She has now purchased the ticket on two occasions to visit one of her Aunts, and quite frankly does not have the funds to purchase the ticket for a third time.  She will now focus her resources on the Los Angeles leg of her trip.  There is still time to salvage the ticket.  El Al has shown kindness and compassion to Violeta and will allow her to use her ticket, as long as she boards her flight this week.  Otherwise, the monies paid for the ticket along with Violeta’s hope of seeing her Aunt, of seeing her daughters and celebrating her cousin’s Bat Mitzvah will all be shattered. 

This is a once in a lifetime occasion.  It will never be repeated and if Violeta is not there, both she and our small family will lose out in sharing this milestone. My daughter will be completely heartbroken if Violeta is not able to share in her Bat Mitzvah. Moreover, Violeta has been given a number of important tasks for the Bat Mitzvah and she cannot be merely replaced.  She is an integral part of the celebration.  We are aware of strict rules of travel and we of course respect them.  This is merely a paperwork error and for that reason Violeta should not be penalized.  We ask you, what can be done to allow Violeta to travel in time to celebrate with her family?  While we recognize this is not an emergency in the truest sense, i.e. for this does not involve a death, it is however an emergency to Violeta’s family. 

Violeta has relied on incorrect information and through this process has paid dearly; both financially and emotionally.  Violeta is a wonderful person, who made Aliya to Israel in the last year.  We implore you to please expedite the paperwork required in order to allow her to share in this once is a life time celebration.  Please let me know what we can do to make this dream come true for all of us.

Thank you for your time, consideration and compassion.

My Cousin